– Life along the Slaney

The monthly Gorey Town Council meetings should be required viewing by all resident of the town. It is the best and cheapest entertainment in town.

With a cast of characters unrivalled on any stage in Ireland, John B. Keane would kill for a setting and storyline like this. For two hours on the second Tuesday of every month the councillors arrange themselves around the table in the Market House and let fly – well most of them do anyway.

For every brash loudmouth you need a meek mouse, unwilling to have their say and willing to just be a passenger on this ludicrous bandwagon.

For months not the simmering tension between Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil has been boiling over with Chairman Colin Webb and Lorcan Allen doing a good impression of Stadler and Waldorf – the two cranky old men form the Muppet Show who complain about everything.

This week however we added a couple of more characters to the show with Cllrs Robbie Ireton and Jimmy Fleming displaying their obvious contempt for each other.

Sitting cheek-by-jowl at the far end of the council table the tension between the two grew as the meeting progressed and by the end of the night both were letting fly at each other with not-so-witty insults along the lines of “You’re a liar”, “No, you’re a liar”, “No YOU’RE a liar” etc…

So while Webb and Allen and Fleming and Ireton played out their own private battles the rest of the cast were content to sit back and listen, adding their own little comments from time to time.

That was until Cllr. Matt Travers had had enough. Towards the end of the meeting, he stood up, put on his jacket and made for the door. As he held the door knob, he turned to address the meeting.

“I made three or four attempts to speak and you did not let me in,” and with that he exited stage left.

Rather than consider what had been going on at the meeting and if they had excluded Cllr. Travers from having his say and representing his people, the councillors returned to form and used it as a stick to beat each other with.

The Fianna Fáil characters said Fine Gael were not letting them have a say and excluding one of the longest serving members of the council. Fine Gael said it was typical of Fianna Fáil to quit when the going gets tough.

For all the bluster and hot air expended at the meeting, it was hard to see what was actually achieved. The methadone clinic was discussed without any new information; the state of the roads was discussed without any new information coming to light; half an hour was taken up on a discussion of the link road in Gorey before a report on the matter which never materialized; the stand orders were changed – though they’ll have to be rewritten and re-presented to the council in April; the possibility of the AMAI conference coming to Gorey was discussed and a sub-committee was sort-of formed – not exactly what you would call a productive meeting.

Some lyrics from the Muppet Show Theme tune seem appropriate and maybe the council might play this song before every meeting rather than saying the prayer: “Why do we always come here / I guess we’ll never know / It’s like a kind of torture /

To have to watch the show”